My mother use to say, if you can't take care of yourself, you will not be able to take care of anybody else.
There was a time in my life that I was so busy running around, "just doing". I was so busy doing that I didn't realize I wasn't really accomplishing anything. My work was getting completed, my ministry was maintaining, my family looked good, my goal quota was impressive, money was decent, needs were met, and in the natural my wick had the appearance of being lit, yet my candle was not burning. It was the difference between just existing and really living.
What was and is the problem? The problem often occurs when we begin to compare ourselves among ourselves. We are constantly asking am I on the right track & succeeding? We begin to look at where our co-workers, friends, or family may be in their lives compares to ours. We allow people to become our measuring scale. Then we find ourselves competing in a race that we are destined to lose, and even if we succeed; we still lose because we ran a race that was not designed for us, and taking home a prize of no real value. If we are not comparing ourselves to people many times we find ourselves looking to things to affirm our sense of self-worth and become our fuel for living.
We are constantly looking out and never in to find validation, which leads us to nothing but hopelessness. The creator is the only one who can validate His creation. We find ourselves unconsciously doing what other people feel we should do or must do to succeed; jumping through unnecessary hoops, walking the crooked line, spreading ourselves so thin trying to be a part of everything, hoping to bump into success along the way. Gaining happiness with no Joy! What's the difference? I'm so glad you asked- Happiness is: temporal, unpredictable, unreliable, and conditional. Do you remember purchasing that first home? How about going on that first date? Or getting that first promotion? Do you remember how happy you were until you lost that house, until that first date turned into months of regret, and that promotion was not worth the opposition you had to face. But joy comes from a deep place within; it's that secret place you can go to at any given time to find peace that surpassing all understanding. It's that place that makes you smile even though everything around you is saying "Depression"; it's the place where joy springs forth after weeping all night! Joy is internal! You know that old song," This joy I have the world didn't give it to me, Oh this joy I have the world didn't give it me, the world didn't give it so the world can't take it away." That's right Joy comes from the Lord and it's your new birthright as a child of God. You can be disappointed when things happen or don't happen but you can still choose to be Joyful. There are so many people walking around with a smile on their face but the spirit of depression is consuming their soul. They don't know who or who's they are.
You might say what does all this have to do with taking care of self? So many people are living chaotic lives because they haven't found Joy because they are looking for happiness. They haven't found peace because they haven't found themselves. Trying to find validation in our families, ministry, gifts & talents, skills, educational accomplishments, money, careers, relationship status, and I can go on. Now all these benefits are of some importance, but the danger is when we try to make these things the main source of our validation and joy. There are so many people killing themselves physically as well as mentally trying to feel complete in people and things, but you will be chasing after validation for the rest of your life if you don't stop to look to the creator and find it from within. No amount of success, money, accomplishments, education, relationship, etc will ever satisfy that need to be secured in who you are. With every passing day the emptiness of your soul continues to cry out "I need more." It will never be satisfied until you are courageous enough to say, "No More" and really mean it. It's harder than you think if you don't know who you really are. The more you get the less you feel, the more you get the further away from peace, joy, and balance in life you find yourself, yet you must believe and choose your birthright.
I remember one particular time in my life; many years ago, I found my validation in being a good church going Christian. I was so faithful; attending every church meeting, conference, and training. Whatever needed done I stepped up. I was in the choir, helped with the youth and women's ministry, and worked the tape ministry. On the outside it looked as if I was a great committed Christian; growing in the Lord, being used by the Lord, and on fire for Him. Not only that if any body in my family needed me I was there, when my friends needed me to do anything I was there! My good Christian appearance was so noticeable from afar but if you got up close it was so evident that something was wrong; the wick was lit but the candle was not burning. My family was getting tired of being at church three times a week and all day on Sunday; my husband and I were exhausted, trying to keep up with work, our home, our children, our marriage, our time, and my ministry. I was frustrated, stressed, tired, but still living up to every ones expectation of what I should be doing and what I needed to do- nothing was lacking but my sanity! I was even becoming resentful when I felt that no one appreciated all that I chose to do or when people didn't live up to my expectation of what I thought they should be doing with me or for me. I was happy with the temporary satisfaction of feeling accomplished, gifted, and valuable, but had no real joy, because there was falsehood lurking around my identity and that flame on my wick began to quickly burn out. We are steady striving, and most times it's to be good and please God. Faith is what Pleases God ! I heard Bill Johnson say, " If you are still striving to be good before the father, than you really do not understand the work of the cross!"
My journey to freedom is too long to write but I will say that I learned loving yourself, liking yourself, knowing yourself, accepting yourself, and taking care of self is an important part of ministry- it is your ministry. I had to learn that who I am is not dependent on what I'm doing or not doing, it's not dependent on how other people see me. It is dependent on me being me! It's hard learning how to just be! I've come a long way! I still love to serve but it's no longer out of obligation, guilt, or the need of validation. It's not who I am but what I love to do. I'm OK with saying "No" if it's too much. I'm OK with saying I'm going to take a break from everything. I'm learning to tell the devil to shut the hell up when he tries to tell me that I'm not doing enough and I need to do more, when he tries to tell me everybody else is further than me; more successful than me when the truth is no one knows but God where I'm suppose to be, and my success is not defined by where everyone else is, but by where God wants me. I'm living in Him! I don't have to "Do" in order to Be! I am who I am! Now let me clarify one thing - I'm not saying be lazy and have an nonchalant attitude towards people about your life. This is what I am saying if you've been running, if you are always worried about what people would think or say if you are not doing what they think you should be doing, if you are one always trying to do because you need to be validated, if you are always taking care of everything and everybody because you are trying to find temporary satisfaction of being needed and important in life, and if you are constantly driven by telling people what you are doing so they can see you- most likely you are in an unhealthy place.
Jesus knew this ... .that's why you will see in the gospels that he was always taking time to get away and spend time with the father, to meditate on His Father's goodness, He took time to hear and see what the father wanted Him to do, not what man expected him to do. He enjoyed His ministry. He spent time with kids, attended wedding banquet, fellow shipped with people different from Him no matter how people looked at Him because He knew who He was. There was hardship but there was Joy being the son of a King. That is the greatest benefit we could ever receive!
We also know the story of Mary and Martha, if you haven't read it, go to Luke 10:38-42. We see two sisters who are both in my opinion amazing women, but Martha is not ok with her sister resting at the feet of Jesus while she is working! She is frustrated and has no Joy in her chose to serve. From afar it would appear that Martha is doing what is expected. Her wick is lit, but her candle is not burning. She is working and trying to make sure everything is in order, yet she is resentful towards her sister for not helping. I love this story because it teaches us that we all have the great freedom to choose. Our choices will be different from others because we are different and we are all at different stages in our lives, but we must be OK with our own choices. We can't be mad if someone chooses something different from us and God is pleased with their chose even if it seems that we are working harder in the same area's of ministry, goals, gifts, etc. Something is very wrong when we feel like we know what God is pleased with. No one knows the mind of God and the bible tells us again, Faith is what pleases God. Faith that no matter what God loves you! You are the apple of His eye. Faith in knowing that He doesn't compare you with anyone else. When He looks at you He sees himself! You were created in His image and likeness the only time God is grieved when He looks at you and He sees someone one else. You are His original masterpiece so just be and you will succeed in every area of you life because in your mother's womb He wrote out the plan for you - all you have to do is rest at His feet so you can hear His voice and follow.
I also love this story because it reminds me if I am doing from a place of love and humble servant hood, and it's who I am and what I love to do, and not trying to be noticed and validated by works then I should not be frustrated. Martha was comparing herself to someone else. She could have chosen to sit down and rest at Jesus feet too and allowed the extra stuff that needed to be done to wait. Jesus reminded her that she was very anxious and troubled about many things but the thing that she needed to be concerned with, Mary chose it and it wouldn't be taken from her. Mary chose Jesus (relationship) over Works.
I remember taking my Nissan truck to three different shops trying to save money by not taking it directly to its dealer because usually they are more expensive and I did not want to pay the cost even though I knew they would know exactly what's wrong and could fix it. I'm laughing right now because none of the shops could fix it, and I ended up at the Nissan dealership. Sooner or later you have to go back to the creator anyway! Whatever is standing in your way of being totally at peace with yourself be courageous enough to take it to God; ask him to remove it, fix it, heal it, restore it, or whatever it is that you need. Take care of yourself not just your physical appearance but your spiritual and mental state as well.
Take care of yourself first before you try to be God's hands to take care of others. If you are in an unhealthy place in your life - like a virus …it can spread to everything and everyone connected to you. Stop looking out and start looking within. You are important and God is saying, " Stop being so busy, so anxious, so caught up with the things in this world, and just take a moment to lay at my feet! I am the well that will never run dry. Everything you need you can find in me."
There is a great book, by my spiritual father Brent Lockker called "Daddy, You Love me" - Order your book today and find out just how loved you are by your daddy!
Tiffany James, Encouraging Touch Enterprise
"Give a gift that creates a Legacy to Encourage, Inspire, and Bless those you love for a life time"
"Give a gift that creates a Legacy to Encourage, Inspire, and Bless those you love for a life time"
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